Tuesday, July 29, 2014

He is Faithful

Tonight (errr, last night since I'm posting this after midnight), my amazing in-laws hosted a BBQ fundraiser for Adam & Natalie's IVF/surrogacy fund.  We had the best night!  There was karaoke, a silent auction, cotton candy, and an iPad mini raffle, and we raised over $3,000!!!  We didn't get an exact count, but about 100 people came out to support us and celebrate with us!

And God provided through all our amazing friends and family!  So thank you all for being there and giving generously!

Between tonight's fundraiser, cash Adam & Natalie have received, and the GoFundMe site (which we are closing down August 1st), we have pretty much entirely met our goal in just 3 weeks!!!

I can't express here how humbling and amazing it was to sit down tonight and count all the donations.  I think we were all (barely) holding back tears.

Praising Him!  Thanking all of you!

Goodnight friends!  :-)

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Through it All, Our Eyes Are on You

I know most of my readers here know Adam & Natalie, but some don't.  So for those that haven't had the great pleasure of meeting and knowing them, Adam is our Pastor of Worship Arts at Grace Community and Natalie often joins him on stage leading us in worship on Sunday mornings.  Inevitably, she is up on that stage after every round of bad news or traumatic experience they've had in their journey to have children.  They are absolutely amazing people and their willingness to share their hurts has touched so many people, and I know many are watching to see how their faith stands these tests, and I can tell you it is NOT broken.  Natalie sang this song at church this morning - I don't think there were many dry eyes afterwards (mine certainly weren't!).  I don't know how she got through it...


Through it all, through it all

My eyes are on You
It is well with me

I still don't understand, but I can assure you all that our eyes are on God.  

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see

And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

We are excited to give this surrogacy thing another shot and we're trusting that this mountain's gonna get tossed in the sea!  We continue to ask for your prayers, and if you are able, a donation towards Adam & Natalie's next round of IVF & Surrogacy.  Even if it's just $5, please consider helping us reach our goal of $13,000!  

Have you heard about the guy on Kickstarter who asked for $10 to make a potato salad and it somehow went viral and he now has $49,336 pledged to him?!?  I figure if he can get that much to make potato salad, we can get $13,000 to make a BABY!  Please visit our GoFundMe page, give what you can, and share it with all your friends too!  Thank you for your support!

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

A New Day

So, the last couple days have been a blur, but the sun's out and life goes on.

When we got the awful call 2 days ago, both kids were still napping.  When Micah woke up, I asked Eli if we should tell him, and Eli said yes.  I sat down with him and I said, "Micah, you know Adam and Natalie's babies that the doctor put in Mommy?  They went to heaven."  He replies with the saddest, most serious face I've ever seen on him, "Oh man, why?!?"  My only answer was "I don't know buddy, God just wanted them with Him" and he immediately accepted that and was content with that answer.  It took me a minute to stop crying and realize that his incredible faith and simple understanding of life was exactly what I needed too.  Faith like a child.

I also have to brag on our incredible pastor Joel and wife Linda (who also happens to be Natalie's aunt), and they are supposed to be on sabbatical, but they made an exception to come to our house that afternoon, just hours after our bad news to pray with us and hug on us.  Love them so much, so thankful to be part of our local church family and under their leadership.

And then, we went out to eat with Adam & Natalie.  I thought we would go out that night, but I was convinced it would be a night of celebration.  It was not what we expected certainly, but it was a wonderful evening where we could begin healing and hoping again... and I am happy to announce here that we are going to try again!

Adam & Natalie have already invested a lot in this journey, but there are a lot of expenses that they will not have to repeat (initial doctor consultations, blood tests, legal work, counseling fees, etc.). However doing another round of IVF and another attempt at embryo transfer will entail another $13,000 in expenses for them.  One of my friends (thanks Trishelle!) pointed me in the direction of GoFundMe.com to help raise money for them, so please consider making a donation for them.  We expect that Dr. Milroy may slightly change our medications to give us a little better edge, AND we are hopeful that this time we will be able to do a fresh (not frozen) embryo transfer which will also improve our odds.  We are all so thankful for so much support from friends & family, and would be thankful for any financial contribution you can make, but most importantly we covet your prayers! Please pray that God would grant us success.

Monday, July 7, 2014

Not the Blog I Wanted to Write

After much anticipation, the call we got today at 3:04pm was bad news.  My pregnancy test this morning was negative.  The call only took 27 seconds, but shattered me.

By the grace of God, Eli's back was really hurting him this morning and he drove halfway to work and decided there was no way he'd be able to lift a patient, so he called in and drove home.  I am so happy he is here with me.

I held up OK until Natalie called me and I heard her ringtone.  Broke down.

I just felt so sure that our results were going to be SOOOOOOOOOOOO different than this.

I don't understand, but I am still trusting God.

I am thankful for all our friends and family who have been so supportive, loving, prayerful for us, and I know that everyone has been on the edge of their seats all day waiting for our news.  It's so miserable to have to share bad news with you instead of good news.

I already told Natalie that I'm game for trying again, but it's a great expense both financially and emotionally for her and Adam, so it's too early to know what's next, but keep us all in prayer.

Love you faithful readers!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Not in Control (Surrogacy Day 9)

I am a control freak, and you know what this surrogacy journey is teaching me / reminding me more than anything else?  I am NOT in control.

I know this is a weakness of mine.  In fact, it was one thing I prayed a lot about before embarking on this journey.  I wanted to be sure that this was in fact God's idea, God's way of blessing Adam & Natalie with a baby (or 2!) - and not my idea, not my way of trying to take control.

Well, God's having a good laugh at me now!  I am so NOT in control of any of this!

Even if these babies were conceived with a little help from science, and even if I'm on tons of hormones to make my body the perfect environment for them, there is NOT one thing I can do outside of God's will to ensure that this works.  I would like to tell you I am at peace about this, and sometimes I am, but it's a peace that I have to fight for every day.

I am so anxious for July 7th to get here!  Monday morning, I get to go in for the pregnancy blood test, and oh, I just can't wait to get that good news that all of us are praying for!!!  I probably will have my phone in my hand all day Monday waiting for the call after blood work is in!

I have been so hesitant to blog for these last few days, because there's not much to say except that we are waiting very expectantly, but I will say that I'm feeling increasingly confident...  I know that symptoms can be created from hormones alone, but I have never been so happy to experience heart burn, ab cramps, sensitivity to smells, general body changes, and "pregnancy brain!"

Ironically, or actually probably not ironic at all, but in God's perfect timing, we have been studying Abraham & Sarah's faith journey at church.  One of my favorite take-a-ways is that I have to let go of my "what-ifs" and focus on the "God-saids."  Working on that!

Until Monday...